And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
