yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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