Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
