hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize