Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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