Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize