She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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