She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Boobs speak an international language.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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