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...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
