I could have mohawked her pubes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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