Can Purell be used as lube?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
