The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
