So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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