Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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