I think my vagina is haunted
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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