Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
