my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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