My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
