So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
