I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh god the rape fog is back!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize