I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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