Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
