I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
