all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
