Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
