Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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