It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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