____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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