He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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