ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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