I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
