So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
