Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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