Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
