I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
