i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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