put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
