He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
