I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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