you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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