1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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