Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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