i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize