once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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