Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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