omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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