First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
