The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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