ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize