Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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