need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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