I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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