OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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