im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
