I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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