I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
