Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
