I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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