if you like me you must not know who I am
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
