she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
