Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
