Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
