Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
