where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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