is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
