New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
