i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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