The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
