And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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