I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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